He Don't Mean It
by FunkyMeihem
Summary: Roadhog suffers from PTSD and violent rages, Junkrat tries to keep it a secret from the others, Zarya distrusts the both of them, and Mei learns some hard lessons.
1. Chapter 1

It had gotten late, at some point. There was still activity going on in some areas of the main base, but mostly the buildings and windows were dark and quiet save for the occasional whir of a passing cleaning bot. Across from the base, far across the docking bay, a dark practice field, and a testing ground surrounded by barbed wire and KEEP OUT signs, the garage buildings belonging to the junkers were lit up on the inside, the flashing blue of the television seen from the windows, and the familiar shriek of Junkrat's wild laughter sounding from within.

They were watching some game show from Japan, which Junkrat had been completely hooked on ever since Genji had turned one on in the common room. It depicted its unlucky participants having to answer questions or perform challenges, and although Mei was fairly sure Junkrat wasn't even reading the English translations, he laughed uproariously whenever one of them failed. The price of failure was severe and included frying pans being dropped onto heads, blow darts in the rear, pies smashed into the face, and (Junkrat's particular favorite) being hit in the testicles by a cartoon glove on a stick, wielded by a man dressed in a pig costume. He had already been reduced to hyperventilation several times that evening, and Mei had to hit pause multiple times to allow him to recover.

Roadhog sat in his chair, arms folded over his immense belly and occasionally rumbling his deep "Huh-huh-huh-huh…" chuckle or pointing to the screen. It seemed he also enjoyed the man in the pig outfit.

Mei lay wrapped in a blanket on the ragged sofa, head resting on Junkrat's thigh. She wasn't as taken by the slapstick as her companions, but the absolute bizarre situations they put their contestants in amused her more than it should have. And she was fairly sure that if she was on such a game show, she would have won the contest of trying to hold the most noodles in her cheeks, hands down. But it was getting late, and Junkrat finally took notice of her little glances towards the door as she started to unwrap herself.

He reacted as dramatically as ever, winding his good arm around her and pulling her back into his lap. "Noooooo!"

She sighed. "Jamison, it's almost one in the morning."

"Exactly! S'dark out there! Who knows what might be lurking out in the dark, ya know? And you're what, at least ten kilometers from the dorms? A hundred? Probably more. I can't let ya go out there, darl, for your own safety." He wrapped her up in his boa constrictor like grip, even as she sat with her face slightly smushed on one side and her eyes half lidded. "Come on, might as well stay the night."

She hesitated. The junkers' makeshift dorm areas weren't exactly what she was used to, and she'd only spent a few nights here before. They mostly lived in out of the converted storage garage that Roadhog had commandeered upon arrival. In her mind, it still looked more garage than house, and even though they had a couch and television and even a little makeshift kitchen, Hog's motorcycle and a veritable warehouse full of tools and scrap parts sat just behind them on the other side of the main room. Junkrat's room was literally a windowless spare supply closet that they'd shoved a bed and dresser in for the nights he didn't sleep in his trailer, and she had no idea what lay beyond Roadhog's bedroom door…not to mention, there was the memory of the first time she'd ever walked into their bathroom that still gave her nightmares…

Junkrat nuzzled himself adoringly against her bun, taking no notice of her hesitation, nor her snowflake pin jabbing him in the forehead. "We can head right on t'bed if you're tired, and then you can rack off during proper morning, eh? Maybe after brekkie? Whaddayasay?"

"Well…Is that okay, Mr. Roadhog?"

Roadhog was already lifting himself out of the sagging armchair, hiking up his pajama pants. He turned his masked face briefly to Mei, then tilted it very slightly to the side, half lifting one enormous shoulder. "Mm," was all he said, and Junkrat lit up at what must have been a relatively enthusiastic approval. The giant junker nodded to them both, then turned and lumbered slowly towards his room, the door shutting gently behind him a moment later.

Mei nodded and relented, and went about prying Junkrat's arms from her once more. "All right, all right. But I'll need to head back early tomorrow morning. And if you start kicking, I'm moving to the couch again."

"I'll be on me best behavior!"

She turned off the gameshow, yawning widely as she trailed Junkrat's limping gait towards his tiny sleeping quarters. He quickly shoved a pile of blankets into some semblance of order, offering her the cleanest ones, before sitting down on the squeaky mattress and prying off his mechanical arm and peg leg, tossing them carelessly onto the floor nearby. Still, even with one working leg, he managed to leap into the air and came down on the bed with force, his lanky body landing on one side with his head propped up on one arm, waggling his brows. "Ya knoooow, we coooould…"

She smirked at him, setting her glasses aside. "No, I'm tired. Not even the pose is going to work right now."

"Aw."

She climbed in after him, ignoring his grumbling and pulling herself up to nestle into the warmth of him. She'd probably wake up overheated later, but there was nothing better for falling asleep than the furnace that was his body. His grouching finally ceased as he pulled her up against his chest, breathing in the scent of her hair as his scorched lashes fluttered shut and his breathing became deep, and it was not long before the both of them drifted off together.

* * *

It wasn't the heat that woke her up, but a loud clanking noise she heard somewhere either in her dreams or outside the door. She moaned a little and pulled herself away, her body clammy and a bit sweaty where she had been pressed against the slumbering Junkrat. She needed water, nice cold water, and staggered up off the bed to grab her glasses, quietly opening the door to make her way to the sink.

But something made her pause. The living room was dimly lit by a single sputtering bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. And over on the other side of the work area, stood the slightly blurry, familiar figure of Roadhog. It couldn't have been anyone else but him, anyway. He was over seven feet of imposing fat and muscle, and for some reason he was just…standing there…fully armored and clothed in the middle of the night, with his back to her and head slightly bowed. She sat lingering in the open doorway, rubbing at her eyes behind her lenses. Her brain was still foggy from slumber, but something about all this seemed off. He hadn't taken notice of her yet, and didn't seem to be working late or doing much of anything. Just…standing in the dark? What was happening?

She stood there as well, frozen and unsure of what to do. Maybe it was just the remnant of a bad dream, but there was an unpleasant prickling under her skin, some instinct started to nip and bite at her senses. Something seemed wrong.

Licking her dry lips, she took a step forward. Roadhog still loomed before one of the windows, though she couldn't tell if he was looking out. Starting to lift a cautious hand, she exhaled a breathless little noise before starting to offer a soft "M-Mr? Ro-"

She saw Roadhog's head move slightly, barely starting to tilt back towards her. But then there was suddenly cold metal clamping across her face, digging almost painfully into her jaws as it latched over her mouth. She was being dragged backward, taken right off her feet, into the darkness of the room behind her. She didn't even have time to kick, trying to inhale against the metallic hand as that familiar pair of arms wrapped around her. She wrenched her head to the side and looked up, eyes wide, and could barely make out the features of Junkrat's face just above hers. He was similarly wide-eyed, irises burning red-yellow and little veins of pink visible against the sclera's white, bloodshot, above a clenched jaw bared with suddenly very sharp-looking teeth.

He slammed the both of them back into the far wall of the tiny dark bedroom, still holding her tightly enough that she realized it hurt, and she made a little muffled noise of confusion and protest. "Mmgmf!? Hmmh!"

He slid downward with his hand still clamped over her mouth, watching the open doorway. When she tried to speak, he turned his bared teeth down to her, eyes still blazing and voice a low hiss. "Quiet! No, quiet! Shut up!"

She narrowed her gaze, though her brow furrowed soon after. Junkrat had always spoken rather harshly, with liberal use of Australian slang and no small amount of creative cursing. But never, not in all their time together, had he ever spoken harshly to _her_. But he'd just snarled for her to shut up and looked on the verge of panic. Something was definitely wrong here, no time for hurt feelings now. She twisted a little in his grasp but remained silent, and he finally released her mouth, allowing her to gasp in a quick breath as he warily sidled forward, peeking out of the door before trying to shut it as quietly as possible, wincing at the click of the knob before reaching under his mattress, snapping on a tiny flashlight.

She expected an explanation, but merely received a hastily whispered, "Y'need to go." He was still barely looking at her, leaving her to nurse her bruised jaw as he reached under the bed. "You gotta leave, right now."

"Jamison? What's happening?" She reached down to touch his shoulder, but was quickly shrugged off. "Jamie, please?"

"Nothing! Ya just gotta leave!" he snapped, seeming taking no notice of her distressed expression. He found what he was looking for under his bed, pulling out one of his spiked traps and a length of chain ending in a small metal clasping hook. "I'm gonna open the doors, you get outta here, got it?"

"Jamie-"

"I said fuck off!" He nearly snarled, turning fully upon her. This time he faltered, as he found Mei staring back at him and even shrinking away, like he was almost about to strike her. His snarl fell into a grimace, panicked gaze turning downcast. "N-no, love, I didn't mean…I'd never-"

They both paused at the sound of heavy footsteps and the jingle of metal outside. Junkrat went abruptly quiet, spreading both arms and placing himself between Mei and the door, teeth baring once more. Harsh words or no, it was clear that he was intent on protecting her from whatever it was that was outside…protecting her from Roadhog? The heavy footfalls thudded away from them, and Mei breathed out, hurrying to pull on her boots. "Jamie, what's wrong? Did something happen to him?"

"No! S'fine, it's just…you gotta get outta here when you get the chance, understand?"

She looked unsure. "Is it Roadhog? Maybe we can get to the door without him noticing? Then we can go get Winston or Angela, maybe they can help-"

"I'm staying, you're leaving. And you don't tell nobody nothing, hear it?" He tensed, gaze still wary. "This ain't their business."

"I'm not going to just leave you here with- Would you please just tell me what's wrong?"

He bit his lip, the shadows from the tiny light exaggerating all the worst parts of his strange narrow face, both angry and grief-stricken at once. He made one of his little noises of frustration, a high-pitched rattle he could barely muffle before answering. "Look, sometimes, Hog forgets where he is. Arright?"

Mei was silent for a rather long time before whispering, "Forgets? What does that mean?"

"I don't fuckin' _know_ , Mei! He just forgets where he is and he gets in a bad way! It ain't his fault!"

"What does he…do?"

"Nothin'! I said not to fuckin' worry about it! I've got it under control!"

There was that anger again flaring its ugly head again, but this time Mei didn't back down. Things were starting to fall into place. "Does he forget who people are too? Jamison, does he hurt you? That time when you were 'sick' for a few days and you came back and were all bruised and hurt…That wasn't an accident like you said, was it? Was it because-"

"It ain't like that! It ain't his fault! Me and him, we're mates! Even if he don't know it sometimes. We've always handled it. I didn't...I'd never let ya over if I'd thought...Usually he acts weird before it. But he always gets himself back to normal, y'just gotta wai-"

There were footsteps again, and the both of them went silent as Junkrat clicked off the flashlight. The soft glow coming in under the door flickered softly, a shadow passing in front of it. There was the familiar sound of loud, wheezing breath, grinding through the mechanical air filters of a mask. Once again, Junkrat narrowed his eyes and hunched low in front of Mei, back arching like an anxious cat as the smaller woman peeked out from behind his bony ribcage, both of them locking their focus on the closed door and holding their breath.

Junkrat was already moving when Roadhog's fist tore through the cheap plywood with a loud crash. The door didn't stand a chance, splintering and cracking as Hog's immense body followed his fist, stepping through the wreckage as the barrier barely proved an afterthought. Junkrat launched forward in swift retaliation, slamming full force into the larger junker and barely halting his forward momentum. Rat's smaller chain swung around his partner's neck and he pulled it taut…but Roadhog barely seemed to notice its choking grip, enormous hand shooting forward to grasp Rat by the entire scrawny torso, squeezing cruelly so that the younger man uttered a painful rasping wheeze as the breath was forced from his crushed lungs, before he was haphazardly tossed over Hog's shoulder and out of sight into the main room.

What was most unnerving was how silent Roadhog was despite his rampage. She distantly heard Junkrat's snarling and scrambling somewhere behind him, but Roadhog was as quiet as he normally was, save for that filtered breathing of his. He tried to squeeze the rest of the way into the closet-sized room, as Mei pressed herself up against the wall away from him, his thick fingertips nearly brushing her front. Then his hand dropped suddenly, and even his unfathomable weight was pulled backward. The chain was still wrapped around his neck, and Junkrat had thrown the other end around one of the garage's metal weight-bearing poles. His lanky arms pulled, and the leverage was at least enough to half drag him back out the door. "Hog! Hog, it's me, mate! Come on, I got ya! We don't gotta-"

Roadhog turned his masked face towards his partner, and Mei could only watch as he lurched after the other junker, the both of them moving out of sight. She heard a crash, saw the chain that had been around his neck go slack, then taut again. And as she finally gathered her wherewithal to react and run for the door, she heard a noise of pain and saw Roadhog grasping onto the chain around his neck and pulling, Junkrat's grasp on it causing him to stagger forward…directly into Roadhog's waiting grip. There was a brief wrestling match where Junkrat was a whirlwind of gangly limbs and biting teeth, but he was overpowered within seconds and pinned against the dirty floor, as his bodyguard knelt over him and brought his spiked fist into Rat's face.

" _Liú xià tā yīgè rén_! Mr. Roadhog, stop! Please, it's us!" Mei flung herself onto his arm, pulling with all her strength to stop him before the next blow. But she was shaken off with barely a thought, tossed aside and sent staggering. She heard the sickening crunch of another fist against bone, and in desperation, searched for something, anything that she could use. Without Snowball or her endothermic blaster in hand, her fingers curled around the next best thing- a dirty frying pan from the kitchen table, crusted with old stir-fry. She leapt back into the brawl and swung it with all her might, and there was a satisfying clang as it landed broadside against Roadhog's head.

To her relief, it seemed to have stunned him, his fist still raised as he paused. Slowly, he turned his pig-masked face towards her, still kneeling over the bloody and battered younger junker on the ground.

She lifted her pan again menacingly. "Get off of him! I'm warning you! Don't make me do this!"

Junkrat coughed up a mouthful of red on the ground, reaching out a hand in warning as Roadhog started to lift off him. "Mei!"

Roadhog lunged for her, and Mei swung. She felt the pan hit its mark, and this time, nothing happened. He barely seemed to notice the impact, and before she could recover to swing again…Roadhog's fist swung too.

Pain blossomed in the side of her skull, and it felt like her brain was being broken in two and sloshing like a cracked egg. She was dimly aware that she was airborne, her prone body sailing across the room, and she vaguely thought that she must have been hit with quite severe force to cause it. Her shattered glasses spun in the air after her, little shards of her lenses twinkling merrily in the light. How strange. She had been watching game shows and laughing with this man only hours earlier. And now…this? She didn't even feel the landing, even when her back slammed into a rack of tools and she went skidding across the floor in a loud metal clatter of wrenches and screws.

She lay there, her vision fogged with black around the edges, unable to move. She heard someone roaring her name, saw that Junkrat had managed to rally and was fighting Roadhog once more, though she could only make out a chaotic melee of body parts, and Junkrat snarling and snapping like a rabid thing. But despite his best efforts and true to their namesakes, there was little that a rat could do against an angry swine. He took several punishing blows from all directions before being carelessly pummeled back onto the ground again, and Roadhog leaned down, winding his bloodied fist back once more.

But before he could swing another blow, Junkrat sprang back up. One of his steel traps lay where the younger junker had fallen, and it sprang up and clamped shut on Roadhog's leg as the larger man bellowed in enraged pain. There was the clank of metal and its chain winding around a nearby pole and she somewhat expected the sound of accompanying explosions, but for once the self proclaimed 'mad demolitionist' seemed loath to use them. Rat managed to kick his way out of his errant bodyguard's range, scurrying over to pluck Mei up and out of the wreckage in the garage, stumbling with her in both arms. Her head spun as she was hauled across the room before being unceremoniously dropped, as the both of them collapsed behind the couch. She could feel herself swaying even when trying to sit.

Rat's face was bruised and bloodied, starting to swell, and she could see he was missing his gold tooth when he spoke. "Don't be mad! Don't be mad at 'im! He don't mean it!"

Gingerly, she lifted her fingers to her temple that was still radiating with pain, and they too came away red. "We n-need to go…get help…"

"No! He'll come back, always does, I just gotta wait it out and stay outta his way!" His voice was high pitched and desperate, trying to wipe the blood away from her face with his fingers and only managing to smear it more. "You need to leave, get back safe to your room, arright? And then…Ya can't tell nobody, arright? It's gonna be okay. Here, I'll distract him, you head for the door-" He paused as there was the screech of twisting metal. Roadhog was pulling at his leg in the trap, and it was already starting to give way.

"Jamison! He'll kill you! We have to go!"

There was nothing they could do to hope to stand against someone like Hog, and with Mei involved, things had gone even more out of control than usual. Junkrat looked out of his mind, his eyes darting wildly between his frenzied partner and the injured woman. Seemingly coming to a decision, he snatched her up once more, throwing himself forward into a staggering run as he went for the door. "Gotta make sure he don't get out! You gotta leave! You gotta-"

They hadn't even reached the door when there was another booming noise. And this time, it didn't come from Roadhog's rampage. Someone was knocking on the door, and Junkrat nearly fell over as his foot scrabbled for balance and his peg almost went out from under him, still clutching Mei against his chest as he went skidding to a stop. It was loud, clearly someone using their entire fist…and it sounded like a large fist. The sound caused even Hog to pause, lifting his masked head slowly. There was another flurry of angry knocking, so hard that it seemed like the metal itself would start to dent inward, then a muffled voice.

"Впусти меня!"

Mei's eyes widened, flailing her way out of Junkrat's grasp even as he struggled to keep hold of her, sputtering a "What the fuck- Wait! Wait, don't let 'em in! Don't let-"

She dropped to the floor, her vision still blurred and colors smearing to one side as she listed dangerously to her left, but managed to dive for the control panel to the main entry. Even as Junkrat leapt after to stop her, she slammed a fist down onto it, as the door beeped and hissed open.

A large figure loomed up out of the darkness outside, stepping into the yawning entryway and the dim light within, illuminating the track suit, bright pink hair, and angry features of one extremely displeased Russian woman.


	2. Chapter 2

Zarya looked down at the bloodied pair briefly before her gaze darted up at the scraping of metal and cement, as Roadhog reached down and finally wrenched free of the trap, clenching it in one fist as it snapped into bits of flying scrap. Setting her jaw, she cracked her neck to one side before shoving Junkrat and Mei aside, dropping low into a wrestling stance as the enormous junker turned to face her. Narrowing her gaze, she lifted one hand and beckoned with a rude gesture of two fingers. "Борьба со мной, свинья! Come, pig!"

This time, Roadhog was faced with a direct challenge, something that didn't scuttle around him or run away or uselessly plead for mercy. He straightened to his full massive height and shook himself back and forth, gut wobbling as he uttered a deep bellow before throwing himself at this new target. Zarya was ready for him, diving forward as well, and Mei could have sworn the ground shook and a shockwave went through the room as some of the most massive powerhouses on the team finally clashed together.

The arrival of Zarya changed things. She could actually stand against him where Junkrat and Mei had both failed. Without her glasses, Mei could only see shapes and blurs of their forms melding together; thrashing, punching, battling one another with brutal strength. She heard the raw sound of fists hitting flesh, heard Zarya's scraping gasp as the air was knocked from her crushed chest, the groan of Roadhog when her thick arm was wrapped around his throat. There was quite a bit of Russian cursing, and the strange animalistic grunting and gnashing from her opponent, with Hog still not saying a word.

For a moment, Mei thought even Zarya didn't stand a chance against such a relentless onslaught. And Roadhog was strong, but instinct alone (while terrifying to behold) could not stand against someone else who was of a mind to use it against him. Zarya staggered free from him, dropping her stance and waiting. With no hesitation, he rushed her, metal-clad boots slamming into the ground with every step. But she was ready for him, and turned suddenly to the side as he set upon her, in a wrestling move designed just for such a heavy opponent. She went low, both arms suddenly clasping around his impossibly wide belly, fingers denting into his scarred hide. His momentum kept him moving forward and Zarya moved under him…and lifted.

Mei stood shellshocked, and Junkrat's jaw dropped open as he watched. Roadhog was lifted into the air, his balance thrown off as Zarya strained to keep control of them both. For a moment it seemed like some bizarre ballet, with the giant junker poised above her with his arms flailing outward, hovering just above the woman lifting him up like a spectacle for all to see. And then, with another booming crash, he was thrown over and down again, smashing face-first into the concrete and crushed with his own enormous weight.

Her breathing was labored and her stamina seemed to be flagging as her stunned opponent started to rise once more, but she caught Roadhog's arm with her own, jerking it until it bent unnaturall as she positioned herself behind him, pulling until the bone strained and threatened to break. He made a strange noise and dropped to one knee with a rattling moan, as Zarya leaned down with her own knee pressed into his spine, teeth gritting as she hissed something to him that Mei could not hear.

Junkrat vaulted past her, his own fists raised in a parody of a boxing pose and started to dance around the two warily. "Oi! Oi, get off, ya great shithouse cunt! That's enough! I mean it, I'll-"

Zarya turned on him with a look that made him cringe and scuttle backward several steps, before jamming her grip forward once more. Hog groaned in pain as his other knee gave out and down he went. He landed awkwardly, his gut making him roll forward to slam back onto his face and chest, as Zarya struggled to keep hold. "Rat Man!" she snapped, when he made another move towards her. "Be useful! For once! You take that chain of yours and tie him down, or I break him the rest of the way!"

Junkrat looked unsure for a moment, but finally was spurred into action, hurrying forward to retrieve more clasping chains and moving to bind his own partner, wrapping around his limbs and throat, secured around the garage's metal beams and poles. By the time the two were done, Roadhog was bound in a sitting position against the column. There must have been hundreds of pounds of chain weighing Roadhog down, but when Zarya finally went to ease off of him, everyone still held their breath.

He pulled at the chains, flexing both arms. The metal creaked and squealed as the links strained and twisted, but held. The pig mask slowly lifted, its blank lenses staring unseeing at Zarya, and the floor nearly rumbled with baritone as Roadhog spoke.

"You."

Zarya stood over him, glaring down. "Me."

"…I'll kill you."

For a moment she stared, then uttered a bitter little chortle. "Many greater than you have tried, pig," she replied, before turning on her heel and stepping away, pressing a finger to one nostril and snorting blood onto the floor dismissively. She sent another icy look to Junkrat, then rounded to Mei, concern written on her face as she leaned over to inspect the smaller woman, frowning at something Mei couldn't see before grasping her arm. "They hurt you? Come, pingvin, we are leaving."

Mei held the side of her head, which still felt like a bell that had been rung a little too hard. "W-wait, we can't just leave them here…"

Zarya gave another humorless laugh before tugging on her arm to try and drag her after. "Oh, we can."

Junkrat frowned, moving to take Mei's other hand and hold her there. "Hold the fuckin' phone, where you'd even come from, how'd you even know to come in here? Were you out there spyin' on us?"

Zarya tightened her grip a little, trying to urge Mei forward yet again. "Why would I bother to spy on the likes of junkers? I was just…nearby. Overheard."

Junkrat pulled her back again. "Like hell you expect me to believe that! You just _happen_ t'show up in the middle of the fuckin' night, on our turf!"

This was not exactly doing wonders for her crushing headache, and Mei yanked both arms back towards her chest out of both their grasps. "I am not a dog toy, this is not helping! Jamison, Zarya just saved us, we should be grateful she showed up when she did!" Junkrat scowled grotesquely and Zarya smirked, though it faded when Mei turned to her next. "But…how…did you show up? How did you know?"

Zarya glanced back to the door. "I was…nearby."

Mei eyed her. "Zarya?"

"Sometimes I cannot sleep. Sometimes I walk on practice field to clear my head. Sometimes I have heard the junkers fighting, the pig beating the rat. And this night, I heard it again, but I knew you might be there tonight." She turned a venomous gaze to Junkrat. "But I was too late to stop them hurting you."

Junkrat glared back. "Oi! You got some goddamn gall, you have. I've never laid a finger on 'er! She's my…She's _mine_ , arright! I'd blow up the whole world for her! Never would let her-"

"What? Let her get hurt?!" Zarya gestured to the blood smeared on Mei's face. "You cannot even stop the mad pig from hurting you, much less her! Wild junkmen out of control. You are dangerous here. First omnics, then mercenaries…tch, so this is the new Overwatch. You should never have been here in the first place!"

Junkrat stretched up to his full height to loom over her, though his twig-like frame seemed to do little in the way of intimidation. "Oh, you don't wanna be fuckin' comparing me to an omnic, russki. Hog n' me, you got no idea how we do things-"

"Ha! I have heard how you do things! Only surprised they did not wheel you out dead in the morning!"

"How about I wheel you out dead in the morning!" Junkrat spat.

"How about you try?" she growled back.

"Dipstick!"

"Урод!"

"Oh my gosh, _really_? Right now? Both of you stop it!" Mei glowered and wiped at her still-bloodied face, stepping between the two and holding both arms out when she saw the aggression was continuing and they were starting to lean too close to another. She pushed the growling Junkrat back a bit, brows furrowing slightly as she turned to Zarya. "And you. You…knew this was happening?"

The larger woman paused, voice stuttering a little as if realizing she had said a little too much. "I have just…overheard, some nights. Not often. Like I said."

"But you knew."

"…I…maybe was not sure…"

"You knew," Mei repeated.

"Yes."

"You never reported it? None of you saw fit to tell anyone? And nobody saw fit to tell me?"

"It was…not my business what they do to each other." Zarya frowned, looking away. "And I warned you that they are dangerous men, not good."

Mei's eyes narrowed as she gestured to the bound form of Roadhog sill sitting chained to the column, surrounded by spatters of blood from every one of them, her voice still quiet but edged with resentment and a tinge of rapidly growing anger. "So…Neither of you reported that one of our teammates suffers from blackouts and violent episodes? And Mr. Roadhog himself didn't think that was pertinent information either? None of you thought that this might be our business to know."

Junkrat, who had been looking more and more smug as Zarya faltered, looked chagrined once more when Mei refused to meet his gaze. He held up both hands quickly and hunched down to her level, going to pet at her shoulders in a placating little massage. "I-it ain't like all that, darl! He don't mean it. Like I said, this one just didn't have no warning. I never would have let ya over if I knew he might-"

"You _knew_ he might!" Mei interrupted so harshly that Junkrat visibly cringed and jerked away from her, hands up. "And you still invited me to stay here! Apparently all of you knew this was happening, this whole time! How many times has this happened? Why did nobody say anything!"

Now both Zarya and Junkrat looked about awkwardly, seemingly unable to face the rage of the woman that seemed almost comically tiny compared to the rest of them, her small fists clenched and her posture almost aggressive as she stared them down. Junkrat at least made the attempt, opening both arms in trepidation and offering a gap-toothed, swollen-on-one-side smile. "H-how about we all just take a breather! Come on, darl, maybe we-"

"Don't you 'darl' _me_ , Jamison Fawkes! We almost died! We almost died because you just couldn't be honest! You couldn't tell me? After everything we…I trusted you. I trusted you both. But apparently you don't trust anyone. Including me."

The junker sputtered, spittle flying from his lips, eyes darting in a manic fashion. Trying to handle any social situation he couldn't blow his way out always made him nervous. "No! No, it's not like that! Trust you with my life, swear it. And, well! There's a lot going on here you don't know about, lovey. Roadhog and me, we- I mean, a lot going on! It's a whole 'big picture' sort of thing, you know, seeing the forest through the trees, sands on the beach, uh, raining cats and dogs, and…What the heck was I saying? Wait, let me try again-"

Zarya gave a derisive little snort of a laugh at his predicament, but straightened quickly into almost military-like posture when Mei turned upon her next, clenching her lips in a thin line.

"T _ā māde niǎo!_ And you! Zarya, I thought you would know better!"

Zarya looked down at her hands. "It…was not my place to interfere when-"

"When you heard two of the people on your team in danger? Two people you knew were my friends? And you just walked away and left them. Because I wasn't there with them. Just because you don't like them, you'd leave them to possibly die?!" Mei's voice cracked on the last word.

The larger woman remained stone-faced even when chastised. She seemed unsure of what to say, gaze still downcast, before saying giving up and saying nothing.

Mei whirled upon Roadhog, who still was sitting chained up, head down and his breath still wheezing softly in the background. He still didn't seem to be entirely with them, and didn't look up. Finding no reason to yell at him when she knew he couldn't answer, she huffed and puffed a bit before simply turning away. She felt Junkrat's mechanical hand on her shoulder again, but angrily shoved it off, and he didn't try again. Her jaw was set, tears threatening to squeeze from the corners of her eyes, and she sniffed loudly before spinning about on her heel. The haughty motion was a poor decision, and she stumbled slightly as her head spun once more. But for pride's sake, she recovered quickly, stomping one boot in a very final motion before abandoning the whole situation, heading out the door.

Junkrat and Zarya stood together in the open doorway and stared after her as she stormed off into the darkness.

"How could you all be so…so… _IRRESPONSIBLE_?!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Well. It seems now we are both in dog house."

Zarya was, to both of their surprises, the first one to speak. Junkrat was too busy staring dumbfounded after Mei's retreating figure, until even his keen night vision could no longer make her out and she was truly gone. A distressed little gurgling noise was the only sound he could seem to wrest from his throat, while the larger woman next to him wiped at some of the crusted blood below her nose before she sighed and folded her massive arms.

"I hate it when she is mad at me," she said, sounding surprisingly resigned. "She can hold massive grudge for weeks."

The verbal dam holding back the junker's words finally seemed to break, and they came out as a torrent. "Ya think I don't know it, russki?! Oh, this is bad. This is real bad. It's over, ain't it? I've come a gutser." He dragged both hands down his swollen and battered face, black nails digging into his bruised cheeks. "It's like you said, she can hold a grudge. But this is more'na grudge. She ain't gonna forgive me, is she? This isn't like those other times, like when I leave the toilet seat up or forget when the mission dates are or when I put that confetti bomb in her undies drawer. She's mad as a cut snake! This is gonna be Goodnight Irene!"

"Er," Zarya frowned at him unsurely, unable to really keep track of his rapid train of thought or his Australian slang. "…Yes?"

"I knew it! And not just her, they're gonna come take away me best mate too! Gonna take him away, reprogram him in the head. Not gonna let 'em! I knew we'd have to scarper even from this place, one of these days! Don't worry, Roadie, I'm gonna get you outta here even if I gotta roll your big arse the whole way through." He limped over towards one of the messy shelves, heavily favoring his right side with the ribs he still wasn't sure were broken or not. They felt broken. It hurt to breathe, but there were more important things to worry about. Like pulling out a battered brown suitcase from under it and starting to shove seemingly random bits and pieces of metal and tools into it. "I knew goin' legit was never going to work. What about Mei, though? Ya know what, w-we can grab her too. Swing by, grab her up. She'll be mad at first, but she'll understand! She's real good at understandin', eventually. It'll be like old times. We'll grab her and go, head out on our own again."

Zarya rubbed the bridge of her nose with two fingers in clear exasperation. "Are you suggesting in front of me, that you are going to kidnap my friend after almost killing her already?"

Junkrat guffawed, pausing from shoving things into his get-away kit. "Well, when you say it like THAT it sounds a little harsh!" He thought for a moment, tapping at his pointed chin. "Okay…I'm startin' to think that things might have gotten a bit away from me, here."

"You could try saying sorry, if you even know the concept. That is what good people do. But then, you would not know, you are not good people. I do not know why she tolerates junkers like you," she sneered down at him. "Talking of kidnapping her when you should be groveling for forgiveness?"

There was a low moan from Roadhog, who shuffled beneath the layers of chains around him. Junkrat tilted his head to the side, brightening slightly. He snapped his mechanical fingers, a spark popping between the metal digits. "Groveling! That's an ace idea. Who can stay mad at a grovelin' rat, right? That'll melt her frozen heart for sure! Here, sounds like Roadie's starting to wake up. Uh. Well, you already proved you won't rat on us, even if that's mostly because you're a bit of a fuckhead. Anyhow, the chains should hold and you're a brick shithouse, you stay here just in case he tries to get out again. You can take him, right? I'll go after Mei!"

"No you don't!"

She lunged, but the junker slipped right out of her grasp like a wriggling fish, somehow managing to vault up and out of her arms in a wiggle of limbs and a customary storm of cackling. She may have been able to best his frenzied bodyguard and there was no doubting her strength, but strength mattered little when trying to hold onto Junkrat and was like trying to wrestle with a greased-up weasel. Before she could try again, he was already out the door, laughing and flailing his way out into the night. With a low curse under her breath, she righted herself against the door frame and almost moved to follow him. But the rattle of chains behind her made her pause. Roadhog was trying to move again, thrumming a low baritone noise as his massive arms strained at his bindings. She tensed, sending one last glare after Junkrat before resolutely slamming her hand onto the door controls. They bolted shut with a mechanical whir and the clank of its locks, and she stared the enormous junker down from across the room.

The irritating rat man was right about one thing, at least. This Roadhog could not be allowed to get loose, and she was the only one able to stop him. At least until Mei would no doubt be bringing the cavalry to both handle the transgressions of the junkers, and for her to be chastised and punished for being foolish enough to ever get involved.

The beast in the pig mask was looking at her. The dark, blank lenses may have hidden his eyes and whatever else lay beneath, but she knew he was looking at her. She saw the faint movement of his fingers down by his sides, sinew and bone tightening and clenching into a fist that was no doubt locked around her neck in whatever dark thoughts such a man must have harbored inside all that silence. She lifted her chin, merely stepping forward and staring down at him without fear, gaze narrowed.

"So, svin'ya. Now it is just you and me…"

***

* * *

Junkrat scampered across the dark base, the metal clatter of his peg leg obnoxiously loud as he made his way through the common areas and towards the dorms. He was more than relieved to see that Mercy's clinic area remained dark. Maybe he still had time to change her mind before she woke everyone up and set the whole damn base against his best friend. He was less heartened to see that she really had been bleeding more severely than he'd thought, and a pang of uncharacteristic guilt rippled through him when he saw there were drips and splotches of red that marked her trail all the way down the halls towards her little room. Perhaps it was a good thing he'd come to check on her after all.

The sharp rap of metal against metal rattled her doors. There was no answer at first, and his next knock was a bit more frantic, leaning up against it to whisper a loud, rasping "Mei! Mei, you arroight in there?"

There was the very muffled sound of a beep within, and a moment later the door whooshed open in front of him. She had made an attempt to scrub away the blood from her head wound, though her pajama shirt was still sopped with dark liquid on one side, and she was holding a baggie of ice to her temple. She didn't seem surprised to see him, but didn't seem particularly happy about it either. When she spoke, her voice was still cold and dangerously formal. "…Mr. Fawkes."

So he'd been relegated back to the icily polite use of his last name. Owch. At least with his newly mangled features, it wasn't hard to disguise his wince. He managed a lopsided grin, waving both dirty hands. "Don't worry! I ain't here to kidnap you or anything nefarious!"

She squinted at him. "Where's Zarya?"

"Left her back with Hog. Figured she could beat him up again if he tried to get out. Clever, eh? Are you, uh, you feeling all right?" He took a quick puff of breath, tentatively reaching out towards her ice bag. "Lemme see it? Maybe I could help w-"

She moved back from his grasp. "No. No, I'm not feeling all right. I'm still mad at you. And someone I thought was my friend tried to kill me."

"Could ya…not be mad at me? Actually, okay. You can be mad at me, but not at Roadie, that ain't his fault!"

"And someone else decided that he this was a situation where nobody needed to interfere, and he almost died too," she said, staring him down.

"I arready said I was sorry!"

"No you did not, Jamison Fawkes! You never say you're sorry. And I've gotten used to that. But even a sorry isn't going to fix this. This…I can't just ignore this." Her voice went to a sudden high pitched almost-snarl, before quickly shushing herself and looking down the hall to make sure they weren't overheard. She lifted a hand to her face wearily, looking torn. "I'm going to change into some fresh clothes, and then I'm going to see Dr. Ziegler. She'll know what to do."

Junkrat's eyes widened. He reached out again, and again she pulled away. "Ya can't! Ya can't do this to us, darl. This was all…This was all just an accident. Bad things happened to Hog. I dunno what, but they were bad and sometimes they get to him and for a while he ain't himself. But that ain't his fault. It ain't never his fault. I don't get mad at him for it, just like I don't get mad at you for what happened to you. Just because Hog gets mad and punches at things, and you stare off into the nothing and cry, that ain't your faults. I'll help you both!"

She looked a little more pained, but he couldn't tell if it was the head wound or frustration of their little spat. "Jamison, this isn't helping. I know you think you're helping, but you can't do this. Mr. Roadhog doesn't need to be chained and locked up, he needs help. Dr. Ziegler can-"

"Doc Angelface don't understand. She's not a junker. But Hog's my best mate. The only one I got. And I'm not gonna let this place reprogram my only best mate's brainmeats. Or mine. I know you don't think much of that, but s'truth. Yeah, see, I know that little side-eye you give me sometimes. You think I don't know the radiation's cooked my nut, and my nuts?" He tapped the side of his scraggly head, then made a lewd gesture downward. "I know ya think we're crazy! Fockin' 'ell, I know we _are_ crazy!"

Mei was quiet for a long minute, gaze slipping down to the floor and the little smears of blood puddled beneath them. "I've…I've never said that…"

"But we ain't something to be fixed. You can't _fix_ everything, love. I know you try, but you can't."

Anger and frustrating was starting to win out again, and he could see tears gathering in the corner of her eyes, even as they narrowed at him and her voice quavered. "I'm not saying you're just some crazy person to be fixed. And neither is Mr. Roadhog. I don't want you to think that that's how I see you. Please, I just…I don't want this to be happening. We can tell the doctor. It's not reprogramming or fixing, and it might save both your lives, and maybe my life, and your teammates' lives. It's just helping! We just want to help you!"

He was about to snap back some retort when she pulled the ice pack away from her head. Blood matted her hair, and he could see the deep bruises and gashes in her head where Hog's spiked and armored fist had thrown her across the room like she was nothing. His reply died away and he reached out to her again, this time to touch his fingertips to the wound. She grimaced at even the lightest pressure, quickly replacing the numbing ice.

"We both need to see the doctor anyway," she said softly. "I'm fairly sure I have a concussion and you…Jamison, look at yourself in the mirror. You're hurt. You're really hurt and he almost killed you in front of me. And I couldn't stop him. Neither of us could stop him. If Zarya hadn't arrived when she did, who knows what he was capable of? He could have woken up after accidentally killing us both."

"Nah, wouldn't have let him hurt ya! I mean, this time…he…" He glanced to the bloody ice bag, trailing off before trying again. "Hey, we both been through worse, yeah? And you. Maybe you can help me. And I guess that purple-haired bint since she knows too. She can be our muscle, fightin' the other muscle. We had a little accident here, but-"

"Jamison, your face is broken in several places and you're missing at least one tooth!"

He waved both arms in the air. "-An accident here or there! But what's a tooth or two between mates? We can prepare better next time. More chains, more traps, mebbe pilfer some more of Ana's darts…That's a good idea, ain't it Mei? Me and you, we're helping him together. That way I don't have to do anything ridiculous, like choose between ya!"

Her brows furrowed. "W-we can't do that, Jamie. I'm trying to tell you, we can't do that. I know what you're trying to say, but we have to do the right thing and get help. And why would…" She seemed a little choked up suddenly, but Junkrat attributed it to her head wound. Head wounds were strange, maybe it was giving her a snotty nose. "Why would you think I'm asking you to choose between us? Are you…already choosing between us?"

Alarms were starting to go off between his ears, and he thought back to Zarya's words. Grovel like a good person. Maybe groveling would work. So he dropped down to one knee as gallantly as possibly, though he wobbled slightly on the squeaky-jointed upright peg and held one arm aloft to her, babbling aloud, "No! No, see, I don't wanna have to choose between my best girl and my best mate! That's a hell of a place to be, isn't it? So we're not gonna do that, are we? Did I say I'm sorry yet? You said I never say I'm sorry? I'm sorry, Mei. I'm real sorry about what happened, and I won't let it happen again. He don't mean it. I'll take the blame. That's good, right? Come on, darl, I'm sorrying my arse off here, what can I do to make it better?"

His attempts at an apology seemed to be having the opposite effect. She lifted her other hand to her head almost to clutch it in seeming chagrin as she looked down at him. " _Wǒ bùnéng zhèyàng zuò_ … I can't…I have to do this. I have to do things the right way, even if Mr. Roadhog hates me for it, even if you…."

"No…Darl, no, it's gonna be okay. You said you wanted to help? You can still help!" He pressed his metallic hand to his chest, still wobbling a bit on his bent peg. "I'm sorry and that's good, right? You and me, we can figure out anything. We'll think of something together, yeah?"

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to make you understand and…I can't…"

"No! No, you can! We can!" He was staring to sound a little more desperate than he would have liked. This was not working as well as he'd hoped. Maybe he wasn't groveling in the right way. Maybe he needed to get on both knees, and beg her like he'd begged for his life so many times before. "Roadie's gonna be back to his old self by the time we get back. I'll make some tea, we can talk it over like real civilized legit folks do, yeah? We don't need to bring the damn monkey or his bureaucrats into things. Look, I know your head hurts real bad right now but it'll all look brighter in the morning. I'll take care of you. Swear it, I'll do anything for you."

She wouldn't look at him. Why wouldn't she look at him? And why did that hurt even more than his bruised jaw and broken ribs? She kept staring at the floor, at that one little puddle of brownish-red. "Jamie, please…"

"I was just talking. Earlier, when I said that rot about choosing between you and Hog. It was nothing! You know me, I just say things, I got a gob on me a mile wide. Verbal diarrhea! Sorry, sorry, I know you don't like the word diarrhea. I'll be more careful with things, love, promise you. No. No, please don't cry. Is it your head hurtin'? I got painkillers and Roadie's hogdrogen huffers back at the garage. No? You worried about Russki? She's fine. Hell, I'm more worried about Hog in that case. Er. Is it because I'm all beaten about? It don't hurt much, I'll be healthy as a brumby in no time at all." He scratched at his tufted hair, mind racing. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. Between you and me, we always figure it out. We go together, you and me…b-because we…"

She meant too much to him. He was certain it must have been love, or at least what he could understand of it from the songs on the radio and how reverently it was spoken of in the theater. It was something that didn't exist back in the wasteland he'd clawed his way out of, but he knew that if it was what he thought it was, it would be her. Everything about her made his heart scream at the thought of losing her. He needed to tell her that this couldn't end things between them, what he would do to keep her. How badly he wanted and needed her by his side for whatever time they both had left, how much he loved her smile and her little laughs and even her angry pouty faces, all the times he'd spent going over every moment of them getting to know one another, trying not to forget a single thing, how he could lay in bed next to her and revel in the soft touches of her body until he died. How he couldn't even envision life never being able to make love to her again, or go back to a life without her.

The words he wanted to say turned backwards and ran into one another and jumbled up on his tongue, bubbling and spewing out of his mouth like crude oil out of a broken pipeline before he could do anything to stop them. "B-because I can't imagine not being able to fuck you!"

Time seemed to screech to an abrupt halt. Mei's jaw dropped open as she finally looked at him. She seemed stunned, expression blanking as the two of them stared at one another. In his head, Junkrat could hear the pieces dropping all around him, little metallic noises as everything fell apart. It all broke at once, pieces of words and feelings laying shattered all around him, rolling about his feet and falling into the holes in his brain. He stared back at her, his eyes drifting apart slightly, before he could rally enough to try and make sense of the hopeless mess inside his head. "Wait! That's not what I m-"

With shock still written all over her features, she slammed the door in his face.


End file.
